November 8, 2003
eye o' storm
Calmer now, in general. All the upheaval behind the scenery of my life seems to be, well, not settling, exactly, but fitting into place.
Even chaos has its own niche and home in everyone's lives, you know?
Besides, a bit of cabin fever never really hurt anyone ...
np: Poor Skeleton Steps Out, xtc
Posted by dina at 12:10 PM
bored-ish
Just found out Fiona's going to be at a seminar, and so won't be able to post the Leiphe Lessons this week. Foo. It's not like they're all that involved or complicated, but I do really enjoy working on them when the sleep won't come, and then after a few days, putting them out there.
Have a good seminar, Fiona! Looking forward to your return to the lessons, of course. :)
Posted by dina at 12:07 PM
November 5, 2003
making a mix
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
Posted by dina at 9:30 AM
i'm holding on.
Posted by dina at 1:46 AM
November 4, 2003
music homework, cont'd.
659.255113825739859
830.609395159890277
987.766602512248223
Posted by dina at 7:45 AM
music homework
Posted by dina at 6:22 AM
Leiphe Lessons
How important is your family in your life? Are they a source of strength and support or stress and frustration?
Since I know I've got a couple of people reading these for workshop purposes (hello, Mr. Wongmo!), I'll try to lay off the schmoopiness about Ethan. I forget sometimes that it's not just 'the hubby' reading all this. Suffice it to say, Ethan is both the best support I've ever had in memory, as well as a huge frustration. His job takes him away from home so often that it feels like just when I've gotten the hang of routine and comfort with him, the job steps in, and I'm solo for another little chunk of time. He and I get along so well and have so much trust between us - we've scaled the hurdles everyone else does, and it feels quite satisfying to have made this journey with him. I am hoping someday we can find a balance in the stress and machinations of daily life, and find more time for each other. Pixels on the screen and a voice on the phone are less and less satisfying, personally. Sorry, Ethan. I know we're both doing the best we can with what we've got.
Do you have any siblings? If so, what is your relationship with them? How has it changed over time? What about your relationship with your parents?
Both parents have passed on, sadly. I try not to think about it too much. My mother was an amazing person - resilient, somewhat stoic, but loyal and true like no other human I've ever known. Her dedication to her values and the people she loved was a model for me in life from my teen years on. My father, hale and hearty, was the artist with a businessman's attitude. He - he was a musician, too. He taught me violin. He did. There was a piano in the front room.
Anyway, my relationship with them was as normal as could be, I suppose! Fights with mom as I turned into a surly rebellious teenager, distance from my father until it was almost too late. All the makings for an ABC After School Special - On How to Be Normal. Yep.
Siblings I have none, although I think I managed to stray from being an Only Child, by dint of being too absorbed in other people's lives to really worry about my own. Books that I read, movies I saw, music I listened to. I used to sit and listen to the Beatles, Paul and George warring for best-loved in my heart(John wouldn't have wanted anything to do with me, I am sure), quietly freaking at side four track five of the white album. I had many friends as a kid, and a lot of the time they felt like an additional family - we were all so close, especially in high school. I wonder where so many of them have gone. How did we lose touch?
Are you married or single? Are you happy with your current situation?
Married, and very happy.
Do you have or want children? How do you picture yourself as a mother or father? Is it similar to how you remember your own mother or father?
I don't think I ever wanted children. There was no primordial tug, no epiphany upon inhaling the powdered scent of a friend's 3-week-old, no nesting instincts. I say was. Perhaps I am not so sure now.
Is your family a source of financial support or do you find that you need to help support them? How does this make you feel?
Ethan is our breadwinner at present, although we've both held jobs before. The past several months have seen me taking a break for some work on music. If all goes well (cross fingers!), I'll probably start teaching lessons to younger students. I gotta learn this stuff first, though. I'm still a kid, music-wise.
Posted by dina at 3:16 AM
November 3, 2003
inbetween
Amazing.
At the point in my life where I feel most unsure of everything and anything that I have ever seen with my own eyes, I have a wonderful night's sleep. I am tense and ready to spring into action, but for the first time in months now I feel rested. It's an odd feeling. When I slept, the darkness was a soothing caul over me. I was cradled in the warmth of real, good sleep.
I have been searching so hard for this sweet relief, and here it is, on the very eve of something inside me breaking through. If it wasn't so readily apparent before, I'd say that my body is taking one last measure of preparedness for the times ahead. Sweet, sweet sleep.
I wish we knew what the next thing was.
np: All I Need Is Everything, Over the Rhine
Posted by dina at 10:25 AM
November 2, 2003
snow globe
The world seems very different now than it did, oh, maybe an hour ago.
Posted by dina at 1:01 AM