Tag: Maryland

More Cowbell, Please: A Memoir

moofront.jpgIt was a sunny day – the kind of day that springs forth from the drudgery of winter to blind you with its brilliant sunshine and pleasant breezes, imprinting itself onto your memory. The air was filled with the smells of cherry and tulip blossoms and the slight overtone of a diesel-fueled truck, while the thumping of nearby construction pounded out the rhythm of a downtown rave party, minus the fancy lights, drugs and half-naked dancing people thrumming against your leg.

I had decided to leave the lab early. The spring day called out to me, “Jackie! Leave the window-less torture of a lab you’re sitting in! Drop the data analysis and run and frolic in my splendor!” Not being one to ignore calls of nature in the off chance that I might end up with wet pants, I grabbed my things and snuck out. My sandaled feet skipped along the sidewalk, my toes happy to be wriggling in the air of spring and reveling in the vitamin D of the sun. As I waited to cross the street outside of the University of Maryland Medical Center, I felt someone sneak up behind me.

“Moooooo.”

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Cows With Guns

bovinethumb.jpgLike something out of The Far Side, pedestrians in Maryland were recently startled to see a trio of cows (ok, not real cows, but humans in cow suits) leap from a van and begin accosting passersby, handing out cowbells and other swag that seemed to be promoting a Cow Revolution website, www.bovineunite.com. If you haven’t visited this site yet, you need to go there. Now.

Prepare yourself for the upcoming cow revolution. Seems our bovine friends have had quite enough of our milking them for all they’re worth, among other indignities. But they’re not just mad, they’re planning on getting even, and claiming their right to greener pastures in the process. Bovine Unite includes links to a cow blog, cow forum, and numerous media files including videos of cows pumping iron and the Bovine National Anthem. All of this is in preparation for “C-Day” on May 5th, when their nefarious bovine plan will go into effect.

Speculation abounds, but whoever’s behind all this had done a good job hiding their tracks. Web denizens are pointing to everyone from Chick-Fil-A to PETA, but the fact that events seem to be localized solely to Maryland seem to indicate otherwise.

So, keep a close eye on any cows that live near you, and be sure to stop by www.bovineunite.com on May 5th and tune in to the Cow News Networks between 8:45 and 9:00 PM (yeah, no timezone) for “further instructions.” We biped milkers are going to have to stick together to make it through this.

No, not an ARG. But pretty dang funny.

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